I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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