Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
