Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
