he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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