i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
