it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
