The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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