I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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