Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
