Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
