I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
