WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
