I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
