well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
