I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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