it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
