The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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