At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
