chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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