no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
