Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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