Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
