Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
