i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
