I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
