So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
