So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
