My friends, they love my intelligence
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
