Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
