At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
