her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
