i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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