do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
