Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
