drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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