how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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