Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
