my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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