it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
