you have to choose: penises or morals?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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