Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
