we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
