cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
