you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
