Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
