Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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