Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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