so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
