woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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