2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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