How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
