Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
