Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
