I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
