When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
