I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
