she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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